Looking for the vaccine Win-Win

Why are we expecting our scientists to have a crystal ball? Do we need boosters or don’t we? Today’s big debate and strewn with hate comments.

People of America- we have some of the best scientists, technology and resources anywhere in the world!! We live in a place where it’s safe to just take all of that for granted and assume that somehow we are more deserving than other counties.

But the truth is that we are learning more about this pandemic every day and it’s abilities to rapidly change. This virus is genetically mapped to continue to change- to be more stealthy and lethal. It knows how to just keep reinventing itself.

How long have we known that? 2 months? 3 months? Just like we have mutated certain bacteria that are utterly immune to antibiotics. We haven’t solved that yet either by the way and we’ve known about it for longer.

We (and I mean all of us- if we’ve ever been in something together, this is it) are learning all of this in real time…globally. How can we say how long it will last without scientific testing?

Each month we learn about the vaccines immune properties as it’s longitudinally tested in volunteers. We want it to last a long time of course. And maybe it will.

But literally only time can tell. @jimmybuffet 🎶

If we said we knew the future we would negligently put people in the kind of harms way that only arrogance or ignorance can create. We would either need lie or try to scare people into being safe and compliant. We’d be accused of creating fake news. And it would be fake. Because we aren’t there yet. As far as I know we don’t have time travel just yet.

Goes back to the whole crystal ball thing.

We all view the world as main characters in our own story. Other people are just supporting actors. We follow wherever our hearts and beliefs tell is is true. We view the world as safe or unsafe. It’s the only way we know and are taught to see it. We all do as humans.

We always see what we look for…always.

We want our scientists to have all the answers right now. But then we get scared and criticize them for moving too fast. We are cynical no matter what they try to do or how open they try to be with us.

We accuse them of lying. I bet you all could name at least a dozen places that would revel in awe at the volume and speed at which we receive our information.

And speaking of transparency…. Ever consider that we are too privileged to even appreciate that we have so many choices in every area of our life? And too privileged to even recognize it?

Our country is able to provide 100% of requested demand. Free of charge after having a vaccine for only months?

What if tomorrow that all just went away?

Poor counties often hear no truth at all. They walk for miles to receive only palliative care when they are gravely ill because there simply isn’t enough to do more. Loved ones care for each other and bury each other.

I would love it if we could be grateful every day.

And pray for those who would gladly be in our shoes.

#kindness #gratitude #sciencefacts #realtimelearning

Fostering

Today is the day. The day of celebration and heartbreak. The best and most awful way for a heart to be shattered.

This is the happy ending. The reason we do this. The reunification we pray for because they need it. The healing of families. Hopes and dreams restored, amends made and new beginnings.

Gains for them that also mean a loss for us.

We pray they will stay in our lives and thankfully, many do. But they change us. Our jokes, expressions, the things we stock up on, that indelible sense of “oh she would like that” and wanting to share it.

When biological siblings grow up and one leaves home, it’s a hard but natural thing. There is sadness and adjustment but always the expectation that you’ll soon see each other again.

No so with this life. It’s a hope, a prayer whispered softly over them, but one we can never expect or take for granted.

It is not up to us. Or about us.

We have to be all in or we are doing it wrong. Being broken hearted is doing it right.

Our loss is cause for their celebration.

But let’s be honest. This is why people don’t do this. I get it. If you don’t get attached you can never really impact change. It’s messy and hard and uncertain so many times.

Workers and therapists can sometimes be great but often extremely overwhelmed and trying their best.

We advocate, defend, enroll, immunize, taxi, and hover. We hover even when there is a push back or away. That’s scary for us as parents too. The pushing. We don’t want to crowd but we don’t want to turn away either.

We don’t know any more how to give them what they need than they know how to ask for it. Their trauma is real and raw, and even the kindest hearts can’t heal them.

But we try. To let it feel natural, to include but not overwhelm. To embrace the people in their life that connect and support them. We cheer for the child and for them. We lift them up because we know they will in turn lift their child.

Our child.

And because it’s why we are here. A gift we can give. To love and let go. Open hands and open hearts.

If we’ve done it right, it hurts like hell. But brave hearts can do it again.

When someone disappoints you

Write out all the nasty things you want to say to someone. All of it.

Tell them why they hurt you but also say the snarky things. The zingers. The things that dredge up the past and reveal the unhealed parts again. Say the sarcastic thing. And then tell them they are getting the silent treatment so they know how it feels. To be shut out unfairly and for reasons that seem to defy logic at times.

Wait 8 hours or one nights sleep

Go back and circle the parts of that writing frenzy that represent who you want to be

Grieve being hurt by someone who is supposed to understand you. It sucks to be disappointed whether we are the cause or the effect. It feels bad like other people, places or things got picked first before you. But those things weren’t for you.

That road would not take you where you need and want to go.

Yes you have plans. In your vulnerable soul you know what that is.

You may not be able to fit it into a category, but you know the feeling and that’s the life you want.

So who do you want to be today?

Circle those parts. Remember that truth without love is abusive. But love without truth is manipulation.

Be the light, be the change, just for one day be the person you really want to be.

That person who smiles at the cashier or offers to help someone with something unexpected. Or who can be a sounding board without being a judge and jury.

Go back and circle those parts.

And then go out and be that person.

What’s your path?

If we believe that energy has to exist and cannot cease to exist then you had to have had a presence before you had form. Do you believe that?? That perhaps you selected this life? That you picked it like a vacation from a travel brochure.

I’d like to experience poverty. Or hardship. Or things that will make me feel. Things that will serve a higher purpose. Experiences for adventure. Experiences for esthetic pleasure. Perhaps I wanted my journey to be one where I used all of my senses. Perhaps a rest from that and a journey where I only experienced that which was scientifically proven, tangible.

Perhaps my role in this life was to be a brief gift to parents who needed to see unconditional love and divine patience as I sufferered in my short life. Perhaps my gift was to be a person who almost died but didn’t and lived to inspire and encourage others.

If you could pick your life now. Knowing what you know. What would you choose to be different? And why? What different path would it have taken you down?

What lesson did you need to learn? How have you learned it instead?

Because the lesson will continue to follow us until we make peace with it.

Not in a white knuckle “I’m going to tell myself positive things until I choke” sort of way.

But in those few random moments, or perhaps in a dream, when your mind is still enough to hear that faint gentle and kind voice, what does it say?

Your soul that is still connected to your higher good. Whether that is God, or Source, or even a higher self knowing.

What does that gentle voice, full of peace and love whisper to you?

That voice tells you that nothing you can do can ever change how loved and “on purpose” you are.

You co-created this life with your higher intelligence and your job now is to remember what you have forgotten.

The truths you told yourself before the world tried to tell you who it thought you were. The you that found such joy in experiencing and savoring this life as a child. And then forgot to seek joy as part of your adult life.

Because you had forgotten you were supposed to remember yourself. Instead you occupied your mind and heart with comparisons to others in this world.

With no concept of what their journeys or lessons were comprised of. We compare a confusion about ourselves to an illusion we have of others. They have their own purpose. People who are supposed to journey with them. As do you. Some for a season, some for a lifetime. All promises are made and remembered on some spiritual level even when our limited earthly brains have forgotten. Those people you instantly know. They get you. You know you know them. Those people chose you even before your physical lives began. They are your committed people and can help you remember your reasons for being here. Even when they are temporarily lost and cannot find their own. They are here for you. Some soul twin flames, some committed friends. Some who are iron sharpening iron in our lives. They make us choose. They provide us with contrast.

They help us know what we do and don’t want in this life. What a tremendous and self sacrificing gift that is when you think about it. They agree to struggle so that you can find your way. And perhaps help them find theirs too, but even if you don’t they have served you in the highest way and have chosen to do this from their love for you.

And when they need back from you, it will be your way of taking your emotional temperature.

Have you changed? What are you learning? How is your heart? What can you give now based on what you have learned and received that you may not have even known you possessed a year ago? Resilience? Perseverance ? Patience for the unknown? Have you learned to believe that the universe is ALWAYS looking out for your ultimate highest good? Or do you doubt it? Doubt creates a roadblock that prevents your dreams from getting through. If you don’t feel ready to receive them, they cannot get to you.

Sit in your stillness for a moment today. Reflect on what you want. Feel for a moment that delicious feeling you will feel when those people, things or experiences arrive in your life.

Most of your life is in your own mind. We are all the main characters in our favorite story. What will you write next?

There will be a time…

There will be a time, not so far from now, when you will see where this road has taken you.

When you will look back and see why circumstances needed to unfold as they did. What it taught you. Who they shaped you into being.

Why certain people came into your life, and why some had to go out.

You’ll see how the path twisted and turned, picking up treasures along the way.

The things you wanted yesterday, the things you want today, and those that you anticipate for the future.

You will see that all along the way, you are being shaped, and changed, and prepared for those things.

People, places, experiences are always transforming you.

You will see- in a time not so far from now, that life loves you.

That it is eager to provide you a rich array of experiences- some you will enjoy and others you will not.

But all of them will make you an ever evolving spirit.

There are only 2 emotions:

love and fear.

When you operate out of fear, you:

Block the road that leads you where you are supposed to go.

You prevent the learning that is supposed to take you there.

You leave no room for the people, places or situations that are supposed to come to you.

You prevent yourself from being the person you are supposed to be become.

The fully YOU person with gifts, passions and joy.

You make your life small.

Too small for it to ever be happy.  

Because in order to live a small life, you have to keep yourself small.

Gratitude v.2020

I haven’t always been grateful for a January birthday.  For most of my life it meant cold dreary days with snow, subzero temperatures, or both.

As I’ve gone around the sun a few more decades, I’ve realized that what it does give me is cause for reflection about what I want my year to look like in review.   Something that never really occurred to me until almost 50.

What I’ve come to see more clearly is that at the end of each year, our retelling of that year leaves behind a brief cliff note version of our greatest successes, failures, lessons and gratitude. The important stuff.  The things that last.  That stay with us. Each year becomes an even shorter synopsis as we build the pages of our story.

So for this year, I did a vision board for the first time.  I’ve thought for years that they were a great idea, but just wasn’t really sure what I would put on mine.   But during the last 10 years as I’ve begun my true faith journey, I can see it unfolding.  What I once thought would be the “end” portion of my life was really a transformational beginning.  So I needed to capture it all.  Everything I’ve been blessed with, everything I’ve been called to, the things that make me feel alive and vital and important in everything I still have to do.

And there were more things that I could fit onto one board.

What an astounding, humbling, incredible and almost dizzyingly impossible problem to have. “To whom much is given, much will be required” Luke 12:48.  It’s beginning to make sense.   Like all of us, I wish I could have known this truth so much earlier in my life.  To have made choices sooner that would have set me on this path that I now run headlong into.  To have done more good, wasted less often, spent time and energy on things more valuable than the things I chose.  And yet, God is good all of the time.

And so everything I have been has brought me here.  There can be no regret in that.  Having a heart that was lost and broken but is now found and made whole.   A life that was nearly wasted and is now redeemed beyond measure.  A purpose, and promises that have been and will continue to be fulfilled.  More than I could ever have imagined or believed.   A God who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above and beyond anything that we could have asked or imagined.  Ephesians 3:20 Every bit of this journey has brought me here and I greet it as hallowed ground.

And so a brief list of what I am so grateful for.  And for all of you who have been part of these blessings.

For having two parents who loved each other, and eagerly awaited my arrival.  Many are not as fortunate.   To have wonderful memories of my siblings and of our years as a family.  To have been born to good people in a country that is decent and right in so many ways.

For the abundance of people who spoke into my life at just the right times.  The childhood teacher who joined the Peace Corp and wrote to me and told me what an amazing person she thought I was.   My heart knew then that this was what my life was supposed to be about.  Helping and encouraging people.  Loving them, not with any motive in mind, but just because I could see their humanity, and their hunger for encouragement.   For the high school and college teachers that took a special interest in me, helped me, guided me, demanded more.  For the best boss I’ve ever had who told me some hard truths early in my career in a way that made me feel seen, heard and valued.   For the people who trusted me to build people and processes, who exposed me to to global experiences that this small town girl would never have otherwise known, who have believed in me, lead me, walked beside me, and entrusted me to lead them.

For a body that continues to be strong and healthy.  For the energy level I need for what I’ve been tasked to do both now and in the future.

For the new friends, co-workers, and family who have embraced me as their own and helped me in this season of my journey.  For the faithful provision and abundance God continues to provide for me to share. For a great love that I didn’t expect.

For the the heart I’ve been given for children in need.  For the ever widening circle of girls and young women that have been entrusted to me, have forever changed me, and have brought great blessings into my life and my heart.

For the people who spoke truth to me in my past when I didn’t want to hear it.   Thank you.  You saved my life.  You saw something in me that I could not see.  You spoke it over me, prayed for me, pleaded for my rescue.  For you who suffered in the wake of my decline, and yet gave me so much grace and encouragement as you watched our God do amazing things.  And for you who tried to love me but needed to pull away because it was too much to bear, I understand that too and thank you for giving all that you could.

For the challenges that forced me to become who I was meant to be. For circumstances that created resilience in me, a heart determined to move forward.  For the trials that forced me to look at who I was.  And made me decide whether I wanted to be that person.  For the gentleness that brought me to my knees and helped me up again.   For a God who left the 99 to come searching for me.

For a savior that is never surprised by me, always sees and hears me, and who loves me enough to continue his work in me and not leave me the way I am.  For the amazing gifts, abilities and miracles he has continued to bring into my life.  For the miracles I know are on the way.  For the prayers I am boldly confident have already been answered.

And so the pictures on my vision board represent the product of all of those things.

A 2020 call to faith, love, service, trust, travel, writing, learning, teaching, abundance and good health.  A call to the story I want to tell about this new year when it rolls to an end.

May God bless your 2020 story as well.  Be intentional in how you create it my friend

Circles

Waking up this morning, I had a song stuck in my head.  Nothing special about that. Those 8 or 10 words from a random song that bounce around in there for seemingly no real reason.   People who know me well know that there are certain songs that if they sing them, they will curse me with exactly this problem for longer than it’s funny.

And normally it’s either irritating or amusing or my mind is busy with so many other things that it sits there in the background, trying to get my attention but eventually giving up as my brain makes way for other things.

But this song… I haven’t listened to it in oh gosh… 20 years maybe?   Always loved Harry Chapin…

“All my life’s a circle;  Sunrise and sundown;
Moon rolls thru the nighttime;  Till the daybreak comes around.

All my life’s a circle;  But I can’t tell you why;
Season’s spinning round again;  The years keep rollin’ by.

It seems like I’ve been here before;  I can’t remember when;
But I have this funny feeling;  That we’ll all be together again.
No straight lines make up my life;  And all my roads have bends; There’s no clear-cut beginnings;  And so far no dead-ends.

I found you a thousand times;  I guess you done the same;
But then we lose each other;  It’s like a children’s game;

As I find you here again;  A thought runs through my mind;
Our love is like a circle;  Let’s go ’round one more time.”

So I’m sitting here in the quiet of the morning.   And the truth of this speaks gently to my heart.  Our lives are indeed a circle.   It seems as though the groove is already carefully crafted to my custom needs and specifications, yet it takes me time to settle in, buckle up and follow it around.   It’s not that the plan is missing.  Or even that I’m unaware that it exists.  I just feel the need sometimes to insist on doing it myself. The hard way.  Because sometimes I just want to be right.  Or at least right now.  I need the universe to see that its cooperation is for its own good (and for mine too of course).

But we aren’t made to be this way.  Alone, self sufficient, with adequate power to control the universe.   It’s easy to mistake that.  We look around and we see people who seemingly impact the world in forceful ways, either for good, bad or in  ways that are utterly ridiculous.   And it’s tempting to believe that it means something more than what it does.   It’s easy to think that it’s about the big and the splashy and the buzz feed headlines or the number of views on YouTube.

But we are here for a purpose.  One that is designed to outlast each of us.   One where our unique contributions impact the lives of other people.  We are a living blueprint for pay it forward.  Our hearts are not designed to find satisfaction in our oneness.   And sometimes the only way I can see that is for the circle to show itself time and again.  Not a random pattern.  Another trip around the loop.  Another chance.  Another view.  Another day to see the thing I’ve looked at a thousand times but have never seen.

The day I have finally understood that person who is lashing out at me has a heart that is breaking.   Or that although I can keep looking forward with focus and ambition, there is an undeniable hole in my heart that future dreams,  people, places and stuff  just can’t fill.   Or that tiny voice that gently prompts consideration that maybe… just maybe… the problem isn’t everyone else this time.

The days I have realized that my life is far better than I deserve.  That when I try to design the life I think  I need to have, I shortchange myself because I base my goals  on a flawed self worth and shoot too low.   Moments we recognize our tremendous capacity to bless the lives of other people, regardless of our material circumstances.   And that to do so is an honor and a privilege.   These moments take us on a journey.  Back around the circle.   Another look.   Another opportunity.   Another ride  around to do things differently.

Another chance to be grateful.  To see that with our blessings come a responsibility to bless others.   To give away a gift to someone as equally flawed and undeserving as we are.

A chance to have our hearts broken, changed, so that we can never go back to not seeing again.  To be willing to let our lives be taken off course, or even ship wrecked.   If we’re honest, some of us need to taken so far off the path we are currently on, that nothing in our own power can help us find our way back to it.

Every loop does not offer us the same circumstances.  I may not get the chance to heal a broken relationship, fix a mistake, salvage what has been lost.  But I do get another opportunity to do it differently this time.  To value that next person more, to be more courageous, selfless, patient, loving  or kind.  To lift up someone else even when I wish it was my turn to be carried.

We serve a God who knew from before we were created what our full and uniquely gifted human potential would be.   What our best and worst would look like.   So I find it reassuring that we are no surprise to Him.  To our Father who cherishes  us so deeply that He continues to look for us, even if we are certain we do not want to be found.   Who directs our steps, even when we stomp our feet and demand to go another way.   Who surrounds us with small miracles and kindness and  lessons and second chances and people who can love us if we are willing to let them.   We are told that in this life there will be troubles, but we don’t have to look very far to see struggles far worse than our own.   And to know that we are in fact being protected in ways we can’t even imagine.

And so on this morning, as I find myself back in a place I didn’t necessarily want to be, I choose to ask “what am I supposed to see on this next loop?”   I’m admittedly not the most observant person in the world even on my best day.  So it could be pretty exciting.  What did I miss last time?  Maybe this time I will jump wholeheartedly into the right groove right away without a lot of wasted supposition or regret.  Ride this trip around with abandon.  Spend more time watching for the miracles and the lessons and the blessings I’m being asked to give and receive.  And less time keeping score of  specific outcomes and fabricated success markers.  Maybe I will be able to spend less time fretting about whether I might miss my one right stop.

Because even if I do, I have a feeling it will come around again.

 

Dreams of the future

I struggle with being happy in the moment. I like to think it’s not just me… That in fact we are all like this to some degree, or perhaps that it’s just my nature.   I try to laugh at my foolishness.  The longing for things yet unknown. It has been with me my whole life, and yet I seldom see it.   It captures me and sits just below my rib cage like a fist.

I’ve come to believe that it is meant to remind me of a hunger that only faith can fill.  And yet it’s so easy to miss that.   To mistake it for other things.

Thinking I’m just tired. Or hungry. Or discouraged, or  waiting for some real tangible person, place or thing.   Or, feeling nostalgic, which by the way is next to impossible to explain.

And so each day, I struggle to not miss it. This moment. This day. Ordinary, sometimes even boring time passages. The waiting times when there is nothing to do except live and keep breathing. The long times punctuated with moments of joy.

The intuitive part of my brain chuckles and whispers “today is a memory too you know. You’ll need to hold on to this ordinary day at some point to remind yourself that they do in fact happen”.

Days without a crisis or some huge mistake. Days you don’t worry about whether your boss likes you, whether your kid thinks you’re a lousy parent, or whether you can pay that unexpected bill this month.  Days when that near miss accident doesn’t happen. Times when the person in front of you holds the door and smiles with their eyes. Remembering to not miss it.

To get to the place of really trusting. The kind of trust you can sink into like a squishy chair. The kind that we all strive to have but few of us actually achieve.

Sometimes our hearts catch it for a moment when we hear that song, or read that passage that reminds us that we are never alone.   That there is always a plan.  Sometimes it’s a reminder that seems to come out of nowhere….but of course always right when we need it.

I long for the boldness I know was bought with blood for me. The courage to not fear. To not be afraid that what I dream about might fall through, fall apart, fall too fast or spin out of control.

The selfish fear that Gods plan for me won’t match mine. The plan I’m sure is so perfect and that my heart sets on.

I’m both frustrated and awed that Gods plans for us are bigger and wilder and infinitely more challenging than any of the small plans we fret and pray for.

Our prayers for security.

“Keep me safe. Help me be stronger. Give me more patience to wait on you…”

Followed by “Forgive me for asking for more patience Lord, this lesson is wearing me out!”

“Help me to get to that next goal, move that mountain for me,  part the water when I’m sure I’m too tired to keep paddling.”

But those quiet times we all long for are  the moments we rest between battles. Not the rhythm of our lives.

I need to be reminded daily to be gentle with myself and others. The struggles of this life are real, raw, messy, painful, and confusing.

We change because life forces us to, not because we like it.  Because we don’t. We don’t like it at all. Change makes us vulnerable, broken, awkward and scared.

And even knowing that we are molded and shaped and loved into our better selves through those times doesn’t make it one tiny bit easier to ride the ride.

I remind myself that as much as I’d like to, I don’t NEED to know where we are going. I just have to do my part every day.   And for today, that task is MORE than enough ❤️

Why broken is a good thing

Today I’m thinking about what happens when things are broken and repaired…. how the damaged and scarred area is often the place where the fusion is the strongest…. and how we cannot really change unless we are willing to have our old ways torn down in lieu of something better, more durable.  Its such strong human nature to resist that- is it because we are afraid that we may never be healed, or that the brokenness will not be replaced with something better, but will instead just lay shattered at our feet?

Or is it a pride thing?  Being broken is rarely a private process.  Most often, those around us will watch it happen. Sometimes in their best intentions, they may even try to prevent it from happening, thinking that they are somehow sparing us (or themselves) pain, embarrassment, public ridicule, or personal discomfort.  But even if we were issued a 100% satisfaction, money back guarantee that the end product would be better, stronger, more durable, and serve us better, the fact of the matter is that many of us would choose to let the simmering sickness quietly remain hidden and undisturbed, thinking that the cure might be worse than the disease.

Or perhaps it’s selfishness?  Perhaps we look around and compare ourselves to the public lives of others, carefully guarded and scripted as it is, and tell ourselves that we are “ok enough” by comparison… no point dragging all that baggage to the curb… surely it’s their problem if they cannot see it our way?  And then there are the alluring messages from the enemy that whisper seductively in our ear during the times we want to take the easier path.. “if they REALLY loved us…and what about the time he/she said that thing that really hurt me?  Surely some pay back is in order?  Why is it  always my job to do the right thing?  Why can’t it be his/her turn this time?  Why should I forgive him/her?  Won’t that just tell them that what they did was ok?”   All of those messages turn our ears away from the gentle conviction of the Holy Spirit, harden our hearts and guide us to continue to walk in blindness and disobedience.

I think about the places where I need to bend, to change.  The times when I come before the Lord with a list of worries or frustrations, or prayers for other people to change.  And hear back “Let’s talk about this issue in YOUR heart”…  and the immature human part of me cringes, as if chastised by an earthly father, but another part of me marvels at how gently He guides me, never rushing the message, but waiting for me to be ready to be shown what I need to see.

What I’m learning is that the path of least resistance is just to be open to it right away.  Rip off the band aid, learn the lesson, forgive myself for not knowing better, not having 20/20 vision about the future, and step out in faith.  Sometimes it takes me a week, a month, or longer to see it, but recently I was so humbled when it took less than 24 hours.  God had to really try hard to get my attention on that one, but it was clear that I was about to dig in my heals on a material issue, out of fear and pride, and miss the bigger picture, which was Jeremiah 29:11… “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

So back to being broken…. what it means to me in my life is that I have to be willing to understand in order for me to be changed, as a mother, as a friend, as an employee, as a wife, is that my four walls have to come down.  I cannot carry my little box of reality into all of those other relationships and expect any of them to be meaningful, intimate, healing, healthy or uplifting.  For every time I think I’m right, I need to remember that God loves that other person (my perceived advisory) just as much as He loves me.  And that He puts people in our lives to “push our buttons” as a way to move us forward to where we are too stubborn, scared, prideful or selfish to otherwise go.

Can I learn to be thankful for that?  Can I learn to first ask “what do I need to learn, to know, to see?” instead of dropping my eyes and digging in my heels?  After all, in marriage, God tells us that the goal is to take two and make them one.  That can only be accomplished when the separateness is broken, and a new strength fuses us together as a “new” creation, different from the two parts.  When each sets aside their desires to “fit” the other person into their existing life, and makes a conscious decision to create a new life together that builds up the other and strengthens their legacy together.  When each looks to the interests of the other first, and sets aside the things that might hurt the other, whether it’s not liking his hobbies, her dog, your family, our different thoughts about money, time, etc. and carefully sifts and measures our love through acts that will strengthen the bond and reflect how very treasured we each are in the heart of our eternal father.

And on the days when I start wishing I had known all of this long ago, I take comfort in knowing that the path I walked was the only one that would have taken me where I needed to go.  I’m way too lazy to change when the ride is a comfortable one 🙂

Dear Younger Me (Mercy Me, 2014)

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me, dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now
Condemnation would’ve had no power
My joy my pain would’ve never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Would’ve not been hard to figure out
What I would’ve changed if I had heard

Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be
Dear younger me, dear younger me